


Every Day

by witchchester



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 3x18, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03e18 Coda, Episode: s03e18 What's Next?, First Kiss, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24186226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchchester/pseuds/witchchester
Summary: “She defended herself,” Buck started, beginning to fidget with his hands. He could feel Eddie’s eyes shift to them. “Said she did what she had to.”Eddie moved a little closer. Buck couldn’t get himself to look up.“You know that’s bullshit, right?” Eddie countered, sounding much too confident. “We’ve talked about this. She was in the wrong, Buck. Completely.”—Or the one where Abby leaves Buck aloneagainand he loses track of time, and Eddie worries enough to go find him. Set during 3x18.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Abby Clark, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 46
Kudos: 843





	Every Day

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I appreciate you.

Abby asked Buck to meet her at 2:00.

By 1:40, he was at the park, waiting for her.

Forty minutes went by before she joined him.

Buck should’ve expected her to arrive late. When they were still dating, whenever they decided to meet up somewhere, he was always the first one there. She never showed up on time.

No matter what was going on, he was always second to her.

Even back then, Buck knew it was a red flag. He just did his best to ignore it. Maybe he wasn’t first on her list, but he was okay with second. Hell, he would’ve been alright with third, fourth, or fifth. Possibly even sixth.

At the time, all he wanted was for someone to show interest in him. She did, so he saw it as enough… even though it wasn’t.

For a few moments, she didn’t come closer. She stood beside the bench, staring at the cityscape he’d been eyeing since he first sat down. Buck wondered if she was waiting for him to make the first move. He was almost tempted to, but she invited him. Breaking the silence was her job.

A couple of years ago, he would’ve made it easier on her. Buck 2.0 – a more guarded version of himself that she helped create – waited in silence.

Eventually, Abby sat down next to him. It was a longer bench, but she still didn’t leave much space between them. After everything she did, he didn’t want to be anywhere near her. Buck found it hard to believe that once, he wanted nothing more than her touch. Having her right there, her leg resting against his, was overwhelming in the worst possible way.

Before they dove into anything deep, Buck asked about Sam. Bobby and Eddie were _pissed_ when they found out about his promise to Abby. They weren’t supposed to make them, but what was he supposed to say to her? That they _might_ save him? A small piece of him – one he wished didn’t exist – still loved her. She already lost her mother; Buck couldn’t let her lose her fiancé too.

After explaining that Sam would make a full recovery, Abby apologized. It might’ve meant something if it was for the right thing. She said she was sorry he found out about Sam in the way he did, but that wasn’t the main thing weighing him down. Both of them knew that.

Dismay fell over him as a weak “That’s what you’re sorry for?” slipped past his lips. He didn’t mean to go off, but every question he’d been holding onto since she left entered the air.

_When did you know that you were leaving me for good?_

_Was it Morocco or Paris or Dublin?_

_Did you know when we were at the airport, and I was kissing you goodbye and promising you that I would wait for you?_

_Did you know then that you were never coming back to me?_

After his well-deserved outburst, Buck thought that maybe – just maybe – she would correct herself and offer a real apology. Instead, she got defensive. She explained everything, but in a way that made him feel like everything was partially his fault.

He realized then that she hadn’t come to make him feel better. It was a one-sided conversation meant to take the weight off of _her_ shoulders.

None of it felt right, but Buck didn’t fight her. He stayed quiet and when she was done, he wished her well. He even told her that she deserved to be happy, even though she was _still_ actively hurting him. No matter what she did, he would always care. His heart wasn’t capable of completely turning away from someone.

By 2:35, she was ready to go. As she walked away, Buck felt empty. It was sickeningly familiar. It reminded him of every date she abandoned, every conversation she cut short, every text of his that she left unanswered, and the trip she never came back from.

Time kept passing. Buck never got up. Nobody was waiting for him and he didn’t have any obligations. He just kept his eyes on Los Angeles, his mind endlessly jumping back and forth.

In-between thoughts, Buck decided to check his phone. It was already 4:15.

Buck knew he’d have a few notifications, but he wasn’t expecting over twenty. Most of them were from Eddie. They told each other everything, so of course, he knew about today. He was the only one he felt comfortable telling. Buck almost told Maddie, but she was already dealing with so much. He didn’t want to add to it.

As he read through the small list of texts, Buck found himself smiling just a little.

**hey, u see abby?**

**how did it go?**

**everything ok?**

**buck?**

**earth to buck**

Maybe Abby didn’t care about him, but at least Eddie did. He kept scrolling, stopping once he hit the bottom.

**fuck it**

**hope you told me the right place**

It took Buck a couple of seconds to comprehend what he was reading. Guilt threatened to choke him. Things weren’t exactly alright, but he definitely wasn’t in crisis mode. Eddie didn’t need to drive out and check on him.

He quickly went to Eddie’s contact page, clicking his number before bringing his phone to his ear. Maybe he could still stop him. Buck wanted to see him – he always did – but he didn’t want Eddie to waste his time. With LA traffic, everything was a far drive.

The first call went to voicemail. With a small frown, Buck tried again. Nothing. During his third attempt, the ringing was interrupted by a distant voice coming from somewhere behind him.

“Are you the one calling me?”

Buck turned his head, finding a smiling Eddie Diaz. Almost immediately, an unexpected wave of relief rushed over him.

“Maybe.” He offered a small grin back, lowering his hand and ending the call. Eddie slightly shook his head as he walked over, taking a seat on the bench.

He sat a little farther than Abby had. Eddie was giving him space, and Buck wasn’t sure if he’d ever appreciated someone so much.

“How long have you been out here?” Eddie asked, gazing towards the city. Buck blinked a few times, confusion written all over him. He was expecting questions, but he figured Abby would be the first topic.

The fact that she wasn’t made him feel a little more at ease.

Buck tried to face the buildings, but it was impossible to focus on Los Angeles when Eddie was right beside him. He couldn’t help but look at him.

“She left a couple of hours ago.”

Eddie instantly turned. He shifted his entire body, his focus suddenly on Buck and Buck only. It was almost too much. His face was unreadable for a few seconds, but then Buck saw the distaste.

Buck waited for him to say something else, but Eddie was waiting too. With a small frown, Buck glanced away. He knew he’d have to talk about his and Abby’s conversation eventually, but he thought he’d have a little more time.

He decided to go with the first thing that came to his mind. “I thought she was going to apologize.” Maybe that made him ignorant, but it was the least she could’ve done. After doing so much to better himself, Abby went and sent him crashing. He sat in her apartment for weeks, thinking she would come back. His friends teased him for it.

When he finally moved, she _still_ hadn’t broken up with him. He had to be the one to break things off. She never even bothered to reply.

“Wait—” Eddie still looked irritated, but confusion had settled in too. “Wasn’t that why she wanted to talk to you? To clear things up?” From the sound of it, Eddie had been expecting Abby to apologize too. It let Buck feel a little less shitty about it.

“She defended herself,” Buck started, beginning to fidget with his hands. He could feel Eddie’s eyes shift to them. “Said she did what she had to.”

Eddie moved a little closer. Buck couldn’t get himself to look up.

“You know that’s bullshit, right?” Eddie countered, sounding much too confident. “We’ve talked about this. She was in the wrong, Buck. Completely.”

Eddie was right about one thing: they had talked about it. More than a few times. When they started sharing their secrets, Buck told Eddie everything that happened with Abby. After explaining how much she’d messed with his head, Eddie never joked about her again.

Different conversations brought up different memories, but their talks about her always ended in the same way. To Eddie, no matter how things were turned, Buck wasn’t the one who fucked up.

Some days, Buck was able to comprehend that. Other times – like today – he just couldn’t.

“You said it yourself, Eddie— I can be exhausting sometimes.” The words came out before Buck could stop them. It had been months since Eddie called him that, but it still constantly replayed through his head. “Maybe I was too much. I mean, she said she lost herself when she was with me.”

With a slow breath, Buck forced himself to stop shifting his hands. The small motions were starting to make them sweat.

Buck was scared to look in Eddie’s direction. He was probably sick of having this conversation, considering how many times they had it. Abby’s brief return didn’t warrant another round. He was an adult; he needed to move on.

“Okay, I’m going to stop you right there.” Buck was expecting anger, but Eddie’s voice was remarkably calm. “What I said was _way_ out of line, and— I was exhausted by the lawsuit, not you. I missed you and when I saw you, I felt everything and it made me lash out. You were already going through enough. Putting that on you was unfair, and I’m really sorry. If I knew you were still thinking about it, I would’ve apologized sooner.”

Eddie looked like he wanted to say more, but Buck cut him off. “I take too much.” Maybe Eddie didn’t see him as exhausting, but that didn’t mean others didn’t.

After shaking his head, Eddie added “Everyone takes. What matters is what you give. If anything, I would say you _give_ too much.” He spoke with such ease, as if he didn’t have to think about his response for a second. Something about that pissed Buck off.

“Is that really what you think?” Buck didn’t mean to elevate his voice, but he was close to yelling. Eddie was so quick to defend him, but he couldn’t understand why.

“Everybody leaves, Eddie! Everyone!”

Buck was always hyperaware of his seemingly inescapable solitude, but it had been heightened for the last few weeks. Meeting and losing Red really fucked with his head. The retired firefighter had lived alone with zero connections. Their stories were so remarkably similar, which meant Red’s situation could easily become Buck’s future. He was absolutely _terrified_ of that possibility.

His entire life, all he ever wanted was for someone to stay. No one ever did. From a young age, his parents had no interest in him. When he turned eighteen, they practically threw him out. His sister, Maddie, left him… twice. Abby dropped him. Ali couldn’t handle his lifestyle.

Eventually, he knew he would lose the 118 too. His teammates tried to reassure him that they’d always remain close, but Buck couldn’t accept any of it. It wasn’t something they could promise.

Plus, if his own bloodline didn’t want anything to do with him… Why would they?

Buck’s feelings were on a roller coaster, but Eddie stayed composed. Even Buck raised his voice, he didn’t falter. He just sat there with his eyes on him, concerned but listening.

Silence always made him uncomfortable. A few minutes went by, and Eddie still hadn’t said anything. It was awkward, but… Buck could feel himself calming down a little. He hadn’t realized how wound up he was until everything stopped.

Eddie was still watching him. He was waiting for something, but Buck couldn’t figure out what.

To get him through the stillness, Buck took a few deep breaths. After the fourth one, Eddie finally spoke up.

“I wouldn’t lie to you.”

It was said with so much conviction and… _determination_. He tried to think of a time Eddie lied, but he came up short. Eddie was probably the most honest person he knew.

“You’re too good for them.” It was so quiet that Buck almost missed it.

For a moment, both of them were a little thrown back. Eddie shook his head, briefly looking away as he cleared his throat. “Buck—” They faced each other again. Eddie still looked serious, but it was softer somehow. “I don’t know why they left, but I know you.”

Buck’s eyes widened, and they stayed that way as Eddie continued.

“When you walk into a room, people smile. I witness that every day.” The moment Buck smiled, Eddie did too. “No matter who we’re dealing with, you always leave your heart out where everyone can see it. After a tough call, you’re the one who reaches out and makes sure we’re okay.”

Eddie brought his hand up, resting his hand over Buck’s shoulder. “You’ve had so much bullshit thrown your way, but you’re still selfless and so incredibly kind. Sometimes I look at you and I can’t believe you’re real. You’re— You’re just that good. Anyone who is okay with leaving all that… They’re not worth anyone’s time, and especially not yours.”

By the time Eddie finished, he was out of breath. Buck’s lungs stopped working somewhere between _I know you_ and _every day_.

Eddie wasn’t someone who exaggerated things to make someone feel better. Everything he said was coming directly from his heart, and Buck was struggling to grasp that. He didn’t think anyone saw him that highly.

Hell, he didn’t think anyone saw him at all.

As time quietly ticked forward, Buck watched as Eddie’s confidence slowly slipped away. He wanted to make it stop – nothing he said was too much – but his brain was still stuck in overdrive. Stringing a sentence together felt impossible.

When Eddie’s lips curved into a worried frown, Buck leaned in and kissed him.

His own actions surprised him, but not as much as Eddie’s. When Buck realized what he was doing and pulled away, Eddie gently cupped his cheeks and brought him back.

They were barely touching, but Buck never experienced something so intimate.

It wasn’t his first kiss, but it was the first time he felt something other than lust. Buck didn’t think something so simple was capable of sending out messages, but Eddie proved him wrong. Without saying a word, Eddie made him feel safe, important, and _loved_.

When the moment ended, both of them were out of breath. They watched each other catch up, smiling at each other’s smiles. Maybe it was a little cliché, but for the first time in a while, Buck felt steady.

Maybe things would be okay.

After bringing his hands back to Buck’s face, Eddie lifted himself just enough to kiss his forehead. “You don’t have to believe me right now, but I’m not going anywhere.” The cautious part of him couldn’t believe it, but something made Buck feel like one day, he could. “I’ll remind you every day if I have to.”

“Every day?” Buck rose an eyebrow, a quiet laugh escaping him.

A fond smile appeared across Eddie’s cheeks as he rolled his eyes. “Every day,” He repeated, and even though it sounded like he was joking, Buck knew he meant it.

“Alright, come on.” After scooting away, Eddie carefully stretched his arms out. “You’ve been out here long enough.” Once he was standing, he held one of his hands out.

Without hesitation, Buck grabbed it and intertwined their fingers. Eddie easily pulled him up.

As they walked down the hill, Buck gently swung their hands. When they were about halfway down, he smiled to himself. Eddie took notice, tilting his head as he grinned back.

“What are you smiling about?”

Buck glanced up at him, unable to stop himself from laughing. “I— I was going to ask you if you wanted to go to May’s grad party together, but… we already are.” Eddie started cackling with him, but not before pressing a quick kiss to Buck’s lips.

“We already do everything together, don’t we?” Eddie quietly mused. Buck’s cheeks turned a light rosy color. He was right; they _did_ do everything together. If someone invited Buck somewhere, he brought Eddie. If someone invited Eddie somewhere, he brought Buck. They were each other’s plus one.

Buck lifted his shoulders, then let them fall. “I like who I am with you.”

Eddie stopped walking, moving to stand in front of him. Buck’s heart started racing again, but in a good way. A _great_ way, even. Eddie was beaming and so was he. After taking Buck’s other hand, Eddie pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

“Me too.”


End file.
